until the sun goes cold

have you ever thought about what the sun thinks when it sets?

i cannot get my mind around this. does it cry? does it laugh? does it say anything at all to the sky before going down, way down? i bet it has a lot to say. but does it actually get it all out? and does it really matter? when it knows there is a moon to follow and take its place?

all this sky business has gotten too complicated. simple things often are complicated. and they shouldn't be. they shouldn't.

a twist of smoke

i thought we would be everywere, i thought we would be forever, i thought we would be together.

still, you are but smoke and ashes to my fire. and what i need right now is another fire, real skin burning fire. with red flames and purple sparks.

i think in our case it just was not meant to happen. our fires were far too strong to burn together. maybe yours started burning earlier, but it also stopped burning before mine did. my fire is still on, yours isn't anymore. some would call this ironic, i only call it life. some would get mad at you, i only try accepting.

you cannot control fire. it maybe is as sad as it is beautiful. fire cannot be controlled.

мука

- a fost un joc periculos.
- crezi?
- nu cred. știu.
- îți pare rău că s-a terminat?
- nu neapărat. dar oare chiar a trebuit?
- să se termine?
- să ne jucăm.
- nu știu. pur și simplu am vrut și ne-am jucat.
- am vrut .. dar biletul acesta nu are întoarcere.
- nu cred că are, nu.
- bagajul meu a devenit de două ori mai greu acum.
- și al meu. acesta este farmecul!
- farmec? dar viața nu este o colecție de bagaje, de ce nu vrei să înțelegi?
- când ai prea multe .. ce mai contează încă unul în plus ?
- nu prea contează, ai dreptate. dar în loc să le aduni, ai putea să te debarasezi de ele - rând pe rând.
- nu pot.
- nu vrei. îți este frică. ai vreo 4-5 valize pline de frici.
- dar avem cu toții, nu-i așa?
- da, așa este. dar eu te pot ajuta să scapi de ele.
- de toate?
- nu, dar de o bună parte din ele da. numai să ai încredere în mine.
- nu sunt sigur.
- hai.
- acum?

frankincense

i'm not saying it has to be perfect. it just has to be. you know? you have to make sure it happens, at some point, somehow, somewhere. you have to try until it happens. forget perfection, forget other people's voices. forget your voice if you need to. just focus on that one moment when your dream will become reality. that is when nothing else will matter - because you will have done whatever it took to get there.

i have spent so many nights crying and so many days doing the same thing over and over again .. that i almost forgot what my mind needs, what my heart wants, and what my body longs for.

change is vital. you need change if you want to become a better person. you need novelty if you want to grow. you need water, and fire, and wind, and earth if you want to keep moving. never settle for less. never ever. fight until you can no more. then rise up and fight again. rise up and fight again. there is no such thing like failure. no such thing like the end. you strive for your freedom, child. and say yes and please whenever you least hope for tomorrow. you might have the surprise to find sun amidst all the darkness when you least expect it.

and then, after you have gotten what you fought for, breathe. breathe the air as long as you need to. and lie on the ground, listen to the earth - she will have wise words to tell you. look up into the sky and feel the fire in your heart. feel the freedom flowing like a river over you, flooding you with hope for tomorrow. and be. just be. perfect and shining, ready to for the world to start unfolding in front of you.

cuvingule

m-am săturat să-ți atârn de virgulă. mă simt ca un ciucure. urmează să cad în orice secundă și nu mă ține nimic altceva decât virgula ta.

nu aș fi prima care îți critică virgula și nici ultima. și nu ar fi nici prima virgulă de care atârn atât de disperat. dar azi dimineață am decis că nu mai vreau nicio virgulă. eu vreau cuvinte. clare și sonore. care să mă învăluie și care să mă cuprindă puternic pe la spate. nu mai am dorință sau timp să atârn. de orice.

probabil că pentru unii oameni avem doar virgule de oferit. și probabil că pentru unii oameni doar cuvinte. îmi dau seama că nu este nimeni vinovat. mai mult, îmi dau seama că dacă vom pleca la timpul potrivit unul de lângă altul, s-ar putea să găsim cuvintele pe care le căutăm mai repede. după buzele oamenilor de care avem nevoie și care au nevoie de noi.

- un bilet spre cuvinte, vă rog.
- dus-întors?
- doar dus.
- aveți reducere de student?
- nu .. am împlinit recent 26 de dezamăgiri sufletești.
- în acest caz trei respirații adânci în piept, vă rog.
- dar am și bagaj ..
- va fi în regulă atâta timp cât veți zâmbi colegilor de vagon.
- mulțumesc.
- și nu uitați. încă o respirație adâncă la coborârea în stație.
- ah, da, cum să nu.
- drum bun.
- mulțumesc. să fie.

in-hale-elah-xe

if you listen carefully, you will soon notice her breath comes in waves.
late summer restless ocean waves.
as if all the weight of the world rests in her lungs.
and as if for a few moments all the energy of her body mingles around her neck.

it wasn't all the time like this.
she used to breathe in and out like normal people do.
but then she became engaged with pleasing her anxieties
and forgetting to constantly breathe.

you see, she breathes only 23 times a day.
she is not interested in allocating more time or thought for breathing.
that would be too wasteful and meaningless.

but breathing should not even be an activity to even think about.
wasn't breath supposed to happen instinctually and effortlessly?
not in her case, no.

you see, oceans are too far away for her to visit as much as she needs.
breathing like oceans makes her feel closer to them.

wouldn't she be breathing more often is she were to move closer to the ocean?
maybe. but then she'd probably start breathing like the forest.

it just takes time, you see. getting the ocean closer to the forest.
breathing makes it easier.

waves of blue and waves of green.
make her shine, and smile, and spin.

circuit electric

ursă urse urși

dar stai un pic. nu este vorba de kilometri. sau de ani. și nici măcar de viteza cu care ne trăim trăirile. este mult mai mult de atât, ceva care nu are o dimensiune pe care să o înțelegem sau să o anticipăm în vreun fel. probabil din cauza asta ne este atât de greu să ne găsim. și poate din cauza asta ne este atât de greu să știm cum va fi mâine. poate că nici nu este nevoie să știm. poate că ar trebui să luăm ca atare minutele și orele. meridianele și paralele. fericirile și tristețile. și poate că degeaba ne agităm. să ne liniștim. să ne respirăm aerul, să ne bem apa, să ne trăim zilele. uite, stele nu întreabă. stele luminează. iar când se iau de mână în constelații, stau așa pentru eternitate. asta pentru că stelele au răbdarea și înțelepciunea să aștepte. să așteptăm și noi.

but we felt.

răsăriți de soare

este atât de nedrept cum îmi plâng toate lacrimile din cauza ta. indiferent de ce mă face să plâng. nu crezi? și este atât de nedrept cum îmi râd toate râsetele datorită ție. indiferent de cine mă face să râd. crezi?

cum o fi să nu mai alergăm unul după altul și să ne oprim? trebuie să recunosc, am cam obosit.

ai putea să-ți deschizi brațele pentru mine? așa, măcar dacă am continua să alergăm, aș ști că există două brațe care mă așteaptă, indiferent de ce se întâmplă cu mine. câteodată, doar iluziile mă mai împing în față. noi ce avem aici?

not so grey

i guess it is ok to be confused. and to explore. and to think you're grey, when all you are is white. or black.

i guess being grey is a whole lot of fun. and as much as i wish i were grey, there's not enough black in me for it to happen. i am just too white. and it started to really take its toll on me, this obsession of constantly searching for black spots. i guess it is time for me to stop. because wanting to become grey makes me forget about being white.

i miss snow. a lot. and the cherry flowers. and your teeth. i miss white. i am white.

daddy issues

all

all you will ever owe is to yourself.

not to them.

all you will ever need

is to love yourself,

before them.

theme song

tickets

but have you ever met someone and said to yourself - 'yes, finally, someone as crazy as i am!'?

i keep going through people like i am going through books. in the beginning, i love exploring them, i look up new words in the dictionary and i try to understand what i'm reading. after a while i may get a little bit bored, but it is so nice to have something to look forward to every night before going to sleep or every time i hop on a bus, that i just almost always end up carrying on. then, when the end approaches, i start missing them before i really need to. and when i finish reading them, i have other piles waiting to be read.

ah, but people aren't like books. they do not sit on shelves, that's for sure. and they sure as hell do not ever stay the same. change. they change. and so do i.

4400

i come in layers, like one of those fancy raw vegan cakes. except, i'm not fancy at all. i am just layered. and it takes time getting everybody to get a taste of me. mainly, because only one taste is not enough, you need to try at least three or even four times to get a clue. plus, i usually keep my layers in the freezer over night, so that complicates it all.

cotton wool hearts

i have been travelling with my suitcase open for a while now. and it is not that i lost the key to the lock - i have no lock at all. it is not even that the suitcase needed to be aired. not even that i stopped caring about people seeing what's inside. it is just that the only places i get to go to anymore are so close to each other. and i have way too much stuff to unpack and pack again too often.

i think maybe my suitcase is too small for what i have got. i need to go and shop for a new one. or get rid of the stuff - some of it at least. or continue travelling like this. who cares, really?



i feel your breath searching through us when you're least breathing. i feel your thoughts running through our heads when you're least thinking. and i feel your desires rising between us when you're least desiring. and all of this because i've got an open suitcase. tell me then, would you like me to close it? because i wouldn't.

but if you still would like me to close it, i'll have nothing left to do but to clean up my skull and fill it up with cotton wool hearts. the one in my chest won't certainly do anymore. i'll even talk to my other personalities and tell them to do the same. you'll get a cotton wool hearted army. just for you. and your breaths. and your thoughts. but not your desires. those will stay hidden in the suitcase.

above all, make sure you really want what you think you want.

noah's ark never existed. now get over it.

i hope i someday get to meet myself.

rotocală

ciocolată-mă, te rog. pe buze și pe obraji. dar să fie amară.
și dulceață-mă. pe gât și pe umeri.
și mai lămâie-mă. pe brațe și pe degete.
apoi iarbă-mă. pe sâni și pe coapse.
și curcubeu-mă. pe tălpi și prin vise.

lemon water

aseară am visat că m-ai sărutat pe fugă, după care mi-ai furat sânul stâng. iar în locul lui îmi vedeam inima cum bate. ai acoperit golul cu mâna ta dreaptă și ai început să-mi mângâi inima.

fireflies and dragonflies

- just admit it. you didn't want to stay.
- i guess i did. but i also wanted to leave so that i have a reason to come back.
- are you sure?
- no. but then again. no one ever is.
- about anything ..
- yes.

...

- and now what?
- now we lay on the ground and watch the world move.
- fireflies
- and dragonflies.
- no empty skies.
- not anymore, no.

...

- my hands were always cold when you were gone. it is so strange how they're not anymore. it is as if they also knew you were gone.
- sometimes hands know more than people ever come to know.

turcoaz

să ne urcăm unul în inima celuilalt.  sau să le legăm cu un hamac, inimile. și să ne legănăm în el de câte ori avem chef. așa, chiar de am pleca din inimile noastre, am fi legați de ele mereu.

- vreau să te sărut, dar nu mai am aer.
- nu-i nimic, am eu pentru amândoi.

în decembrie ochii, în iunie inimile. le-am deschis.

- vreau să te fumez, dar nu mai am foc.
- mănâncă-mă, atunci.
- în hamac.
- cu podul palmei lipit de inima mea.
- și cu tălpile de a mea.

iarbă de ieri și flori de azi. doar noi de mâine.

carrot sight

i sometimes pour carrot juice in my head - usually in the morning. they say carrots are good for your eyes. so it must help mine see better. even if seeing something takes sometimes several years.

i now see you clearly. and by you i mean me. it may seem complicated, but it isn't. 

it's like i'm a whole new person, but i am the same. and it's like you're a whole new person, but you're still the same. some people travel in order to achieve that. all i did was juice some carrots. 

and it is so warm in here, between us. it feels like summer in the winter. some kilometers here and there we still have to work on. but other than that, all is yellow. or orange. or white. or even purple. depending on the type of carrot we choose to juice in the morning.

under sky domes

icelit

remember the sound of my silence
despite all the noise in your head

walk me through your dreams
so that i dream, too

run me through your fears
so that you fear less

cut yourself from me
then reattach us back

will you please cry my eyes out?
and get rid of all the tears
i don't need them anymore
put them in a purple jar
close the lid and hide it
away
or don't

but please don't ever go to sleep
without me again.