nutmeg

options

so i think there's something wrong with my left brain. and with the right one, as well.
actually, there's some trouble with my heart, too, to be honest.

i guess i'll have to cut my body tonight, boil my brains and my heart. they say boiling takes away all the bad stuff.

and if that won't work, i may as well plant some myrt seeds in my head and my chest - wait for them to grow. but this would take too long.

ultimately, i might chop my brains and my heart. and make little ladybugs out of them, put these ladybugs back where my brains and my heart used to belong to - just to spice everything up. because replacing my brains with my heart did not work so far. and replacing my heart with my brains was another total disaster. so i am kind of running out of options here.

cut, sprout, and boil.

away above the chimney tops

- hop on, we'll sail.
- where to?
- wherever you want. you name it, we'll get there.
- but can we really get anywhere?
- just about, yes.
- what if i still don't know?
- well, we'll just have to figure it out.
- alright.

...

- what about that orange island? let's stop there first.
- sure, let's join the orange people.
- you know, i once used to be orange. i mean, i didn't live on the island, but i was orange.
- how come you were orange?
- well, one day, an orange guy took me by the hand and told me i could be orange. so i became orange.
- and then what happened?
- well, the guy figured he wasn't just orange. he figured he had other colors, too, underneath that orange shade.
- and so you just gave up on your orange shade, as well?
- well, i kind of had to. i mean, it made no sense to stay orange for someone who wouldn't want to be orange with me anymore.
- don't you think you could have stayed orange for both of you?
- no. because every time i would have tried to lend my orange tinge, i would have covered the other colors.
- but do you ever think you would have liked it to stay orange?
- probably. but green is so much better.
- and yet you want to get on the orange island.
- well, who doesn't?
- yeah, you're right.

...

- i guess you'll someday master being green and orange at the same time.
- i guess.

squash story

se întâmplă să mai mor din când în când. și să reînvii din nou. tot eu. dar nu eu deloc. cu fiecare moarte mă nasc și cu fiecare naștere mor.

am început să am o problemă cu oficiul stării civile. sau, mai bine zis, ei cu mine. de fiecare dată când merg să-mi declar moartea, mă ia câte un domn ușor de braț și mă poartă pe trepte afară spunându-mi să-mi văd de treabă. iar de fiecare dată când vreau să-mi înregistrez nașterea, se găsește câte o doamnă să sune la spitalul nouă și să-i cheme pe unii îmbrăcați în alb, să mă ia. dar nu înțeleg unde, nu înțeleg de ce.

tot ce vreau este să am undeva trecute datele morții și ale nașterii. să nu le uit. nu de alta, dar când oamenii mor, amintirile lor mor o dată cu ei. iar eu am ambiția să le păstrez. și ce ironie cruntă că nu pot.

ssargnomel

grabbed my head, and all my thoughts along with it. nothing to worry about.
grabbed my hands, and all my touch along with them. nothing to worry about.

grab my eyes, but not my dreams. everything to worry about.
grab my lips, but not my wants. everything to worry about.
grab my voice, but not my screams. every single thing to worry about.